HouseKeeping - it's all in the details

"Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door" (Marcelene Cox)

I can bet you a penny that this will not be the last blog post that will deal with housekeeping and changes I will be making to my blog.  I will keep making changes until I find a fit for me, funny thing is probably once I do our life will change or the circumstances which will demand another tweak.

I will keep posting my weekly menu on Mondays, the weekly round-up on Fridays and hopefully a blog post a week.  I am hoping that once a month, last Sunday, to deliver a monthly book review (books that Carr and I are reading).  I will be adding a photography post a week, just a photo and a phrase.

Thanks to Katy Kunz

I have a lot of work ahead of me, lots to catch-up on and much to do.  My big project for December is 31 posts in 31 days.  It will be about what is important in our lives, small glimpses into our home.  I am really hoping I can pull this off.  My boss has done this for years in another medium - scrap-booking, I hope it can translate to blogging.  Wish me luck!

Forgive the Silence

Every year since the conception of this blog, I disappear for the blogosphere during the months of August and September.  Some years, I have been able to squeeze a post or two during this time but this year it has been impossible.  You see I try to keep my professional life away from my inner world: my family and my hobbies.  This year it has been tough keeping my work and my private life apart.  If you read my blog you may have noticed that I have mentioned work more often than previously. What can I say, it has been a tough year.

I haven't posted but that doesn't mean that we haven't had fun. I have lots of catch up posts that I will slowly post. I can't wait to share our crazy life these past two months.  Once again thank you for your patience.   

Have a great Weekend!

For Jeannie

Hi Friends!  About two weeks ago, I found out about Jennie's terrible loss.  As a mother and a wife my heart went out to her.  How can you recover from such an unexpected loss, how can you explain to your children that their daddy no longer will be there with them and enjoy such moments such as these.

Because of this and because I know that when you ask sincerely, people help.  I am asking you to please donate to Jennie's fund.  Just take a minute and think of dealing with such a loss and having to deal with the hard realities of life (paying bills, health insurance, etc.) all by herself.  She "makes too much" as a blogger to collect widow's benefits from social security (not even going to address this and the unfairness).  Please read the Project Description that says it so eloquently (much better than I can).

In April, I went through some hard times, spiritually and financially, if it were not because of the prayers and support from some fellow bloggers, I would have had a very hard time living through it all.  I now turn to you to help Jennie through her hard times.

Please donate!

Celebrate! It's your birthday America!

thanks to nixxphotography

I want to take this opportunity and reflect on what it means to be American to me.  I spent 18 years away from "home".  Only people that actually have had to live somewhere else other than the United States understand what this means.  It feels like the first day at a new high school day, after day, after day.  Yes, you adjust, you make friends but EVERYTHING is diferent.  You make yourself forget, not want and not talk about "home" but TV, Movies, and Music set off memories.  What does America mean to me?  That I can disagree with the majority, that I can choose to do what I want, where I want, as long as it is legal.  It means that we try to be the best at whatever we want and it means that patriotism is not just another word it is an honor.  What were the things that I related to "home":  Friendly strangers, broken fire hydrants in the summer, hot dogs, apple pie, Bruce Springsteen, the Statue of Liberty, McDonald's fries (I don't care what anyone says, no one makes fries like McDonald's) saying what you think whenever you want (without the fear of being hit) and Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and Thanksgiving.

When you are feeling that you are not in love with this great country of ours please think of all the things that we take for granted.  Yes, we can be better but we are blessed to have what we have when there are so many others that lack even the essentials.

Happy Birthday USA!  May God Bless You!

Not just another Mother's Day post

photo National Geographic

Relationships are hard, at least the ones that count.  It takes love, patience, and time to understand the people you love and time to live and maybe experience similar situations.  My story begins a very long time ago, 41 years to be exact.  My mom was a newly widow in a foreign country and about to have her baby.  Just the thought of this gives me shudders, just to imagine how lonely she felt.  From then on, it's been a ride to say the least.  My mom has been there for me always, even when I didn't want her to be.  She sacrificed herself so many times that it shames me to admit.  My mom would give her life for her children in a heart-beat.  

She is long winded, annoying, meddlesome, and out right incorrigible. We've had our rough patches but we have always loved each other above things.  There are some many things that I would love to tell her.  The main one is I AM SORRY.  I am sorry for being so pig-headed, for the sleepless nights waiting up for me to get home, for thinking I knew best and most of all for not being there when you needed me the most.  I wish that I could take back the tears and worries I gave you.  I was a tomboy that kept you busy in my early years, a snotty teenager and a very rebellious youth. You had your hands full and miraculously you survived my brother and I, always holding yourself graceful and soft spoken.

I want to THANK HER for teaching me to be selfless, for understanding the meaning of sacrifice and never expecting anything in return for a good deed.  She is the one that instilled in me my calling for service and my discipline and hard work.  She is the one that pushed me to reach for the stars and to never be complacent with any goals reached.  She is the one that expected nothing but the best from me.  I hope that I have made her proud.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM!

Good Friday

Crucifixion by bela_kiefer

O Jesus, Who by reason of Thy burning love for us
hast willed to be crucified
and to shed Thy Most Precious Blood
for the redemption and salvation of our souls,
look down upon us here gathered together
in remembrance of Thy most sorrowful Passion and Death,
fully trusting in Thy mercy;
cleanse us from sin by Thy grace,
sanctify our toil,
give unto us and unto all those who are dear to us our
daily bread,
sweeten our sufferings,
bless our families,
and to the nations so sorely afflicted,
grant Thy peace,
which is the only true peace,
so that by obeying Thy commandments
we may come at last to the glory of heaven.

Amen.

Thank you to Catholic Online for posting this praying and allowing me to share it.  May you have a glorious Easter and may we all remember the true significance of Easter.

Personal problems

Hi! Lately, my life seems like a work in progress, just like this blog.  I started to gain great momentum this month, I have a few posts, all in different stages, that I am working on.  You also might have noticed that I have added two pages to the blog.  They are both under construction and not yet finished.  Then as I say "Life happens".  What do you do when you have competing responsibilities?

Changes are happening in my life that I cannot share with you yet.  Please know that I am not teasing or trying to make you check my blog constantly for updates.  Just know that whatever it is, it is enough to get me stress out of my mind but then...A thought crossed my mind.  When has God not taken care of me?  My life is a testimony of God's generosity. He has been there for me, holding my hand at every crossroad of my life, this includes being sent to boarding school in another country, raising my brother when I was only 14 years old, taking care of the family business, deciding to come back to the US and finish my college studies, etc.    Has God ever sent anything my way that I couldn't handle?  Well, no.  Looking back I have handled everything quite elegantly.  So, I am leaving everything in God's hands.  I am also making a list of 10 things I am grateful for to help me put things into perspective (below).  Prayers would be nice too! Once again thanks for stopping by.

Photographer: Daniel St.Pierre

10 Things I am grateful in my Life

1. My life, the gift of life and the hope for salvation is the greatest gift God has given us.

2. My son.  I thought I would never be a mom.  I am so glad I was wrong!

3. My husband.  He is my home.

4. My mom and my grandmother.

5. My in-laws.  I am truly blessed to have them in my and my son's life.

6. A roof over our heads and food on our "table" (we have no dinning room table).

7. Great friends.  I don't have many, but the ones I have make up for the small numbers.

8. Having more possibilities and hope for the future than depressing thoughts and negativity.

9. Having the energy to work all day, come home and cook, clean, play with my son and stay up late to spend quality time with my husband. 

10. Having a medium like this to be able to "vent" and "share" my ups and downs.

Disaster relief for Japan

I have been looking for ways to help in any type of efforts to help Japan.  My family donated to the Red Cross and I encourage you to do so also. If your a blogger please join us too!

(copied directly from the website)

Bloggers Day of Silence:

Anyone that has a blog can help out with this one.  

The aim is just raise awareness and respect and acknowledge the devastation going on in Japan.

The guidelines are simple.
1.  This coming Friday, March 18th, no posts at all on your blog.
2.  Please post a blog post about what you will be doing this Friday whenever possible in hopes to spread the word and whoever else would like to join in.  

You all can check out what I did for mine here or Utterly Engaged's here and do it your way if you'd like.  

I'll be posting a reminder post on Thursday evening on my blog too.
3. Tweet and Re-Tweet the shiznit out of the link to http://www.forjapanwithlove.com please. 
4. Encourage your readers to contribute to donate shelter to Japan. 

Whatever anyone can contribute will be appreciated. 

 

Every little helps. 

Is forty one too old?

How do you measure age?  Chronologically?  Or by the experiences lived?  But then again, how do you measure that?

Photo by Daniel St. Pierre

Sundays have always been a conflicting day for me.  Ever since I can remember, there have been Sunday phone calls.  I guess it started with my dad calling his mom, as I was growing up.  Then it was my brother and I receiving phone calls on Sundays from our mom and dad.  Funny how history tends to repeat itself, now it's me calling my mom and grandmother.  It so very weird.  I have received and given the best news and also the worst news over the phone.  I really do not know how to explain that this is a situation that happens to immigrants all over the world.  I honestly do not know if my phone hours with my mom exceeds the physical time spent with her.  That is so weird and probably sad to some.  This mere fact also explains my love/hate relationship with phones.  Frankly, I have no use for them.  If it weren't for my mom, my husband and my job, I wouldn't have any type of phone.

This Sunday my mom after many days harassing her let it slip that she and my grandmother where coming to visit in May.  WOW! That doesn't give me much time to plan and get the house ready but you know what, I will do my best and whatever can get done will get done.

Back to age, it's funny how time passes, sometimes you notice and sometimes it just passes you by.  My life has been a world wind.  God couldn't have made it anymore interesting than it has been and so blessed.  I have traveled, lived in different cultures, spoken other languages, had money, lost it all, I have been all alone in very crowed rooms and my hand held at every crossroads.  I have hardly lived but at the same time I have lived so much!  My husband and my son are my all now and the most precious gifts my Lord has given to me.  Wow, 41... so much to do and so much accomplished!  I have written in my google chat status this:

"At the end of our lives people will only remember our hearts."

I truely believe this and I try to live by it.  How do you measure age?  Do you feel your age? I would love to know. 

Freedom of Speech

If it's never our fault, we can't take responsibility for it. If we can't take responsibility for it, we'll always be its victim. 

Richard Bach

http://www.blingcheese.com/image/code/0/tape+mouth.htm

I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine, her name is Roxy MtJoy.  I met her in July 2007, during the time my beloved college turned coeducational.  Just 2 years prior, I had graduated from Randolph Macon Woman's College.  Through the entire lengthy process of  contesting this change, late night meetings, email chains, petition letters, etc.  there was a voice that stood out, she made sense, and she inspired many women to listen, her name...Roxy.  While I stood around sometimes tongue tied at the inexplicable sadness of it all, she seemed to find the right words to inspire and to comfort.  
Roxy has her own blog Foxy by Nature.  and frquently writes for Change.Org.  Which leads me to explain the purpose of this post, Freedom of Speech and tolerance or the lack of it.  I am inviting you to weigh in on a timeless debate:  What is actually protected speech?  Roxy explains it very eloquently in her January post Hate this.  I would really love feedback, your thoughts are welcomed here. I hope that you enjoy her articles as much as I.

It is all in the details

There are moments in life that you would love to freeze and be able to tap into them whenever you want.  Moments that do or might repeat themselves but in different ways or under different circumstances.  I could easily put baking with my child for the first time for Christmas in my top 5 memories of this holiday season.  We shared an activity together and hopefully as he grows he will understand and agree that giving yields more rewards than receiving.  The pride and satisfaction that you get from a job well done builds character and fortitude, which are virtues that I want my son to have.

Carr loved to help, especially if it involved getting dirty!

I have to admit that being a neat freak and having a hard time delegating made this task challenging.  You can say I learned much more than Carr did that week.  I learned that sometimes you just have to let go, that everything has flaws and that you can strive for perfection but that you owe yourself time to have fun.  Instead of a monumental task that I had to do by myself, I enjoyed time with my son and was blessed with the results we achieved.

Any time you can have with your children is time well invested.  Our children grow up so fast, that in a blink of an eye the moment is gone. I also know that when you look back you don't recall the stuff you accumulated over time, what you remember are the moments that impacted your life.  I want to fill my life with memorable moments that will keep me warm and smiling in my old age.  I want to look back and say wow, we did everything we could and not I wish we did this or the other.  Life is too short and time is too precious.

Here are the recipes  and photos of our Christmas baking adventure: 

Gingerbread Cookies

 Link to recipe

6 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for work surface
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
2 sticks unsalted butter
1 cup packed dark-brown sugar
4 teaspoons ground ginger
4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cloves
1 teaspoon finely ground pepper
1 1/2 teaspoons coarse salt
2 large eggs
1 cup unsulfured molasses

Mix all your dry ingredients and then add your wet ingredients.  Divide flour mixture in 2 batches Shape dough into a disk, and wrap in plastic. Refrigerate until firm, about 2 hours (up to overnight).

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Shape dough into 1/2-inch balls, and space 2 inches apart on baking sheets lined with parchment paper. Refrigerate 20 minutes.

Roll balls in granulated sugar. Bake until surfaces crack slightly, 10 to 12 minutes. Let cool on sheets, 5 minutes. Transfer cookies to wire racks, and let cool completely. Cookies can be stored in an airtight container up to 3 days

Christmas Sugar Cookies

Link to recipe 

2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 tablespoons brandy, or milk
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Sift together flour, baking soda, and baking powder into a large bowl. Set aside. Put butter and brown sugar in the bowl mix on medium speed until fluffy. Mix in spices and salt, then eggs and molasses.  Add flour mixture; mix until just combined. Divide dough into thirds; wrap each in plastic. Refrigerate until cold, about 1 hour.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Bake cookies until crisp but not dark, 12 to 14 minutes. Let cool on sheets on wire racks.

Packaging the cookies made easy!

I bought this kit that Martha Stewart makes for cookies.  The package looked gorgeous.

 Easy Homemade Wheat Bread

3 cups of whole wheat flour
2 1/2 cup of warm water
2 packets of yeast
1 teaspoon of salt
1/2 cup of honey
1/4 cup of milk
1/4 cup of oil
3 to 4 cups of unbleached all purpose white flour

 

Directions:  Mix water, yeast and a tbsp of honey together in a large bowl.  Pour in the 3 cups of wheat flour and mix well.  cover bowl with a towel and let rest in a dry place for 20 minutes up to a day.

After resting pour the rest of the honey, oil, milk and salt.  Begin adding the white flour a 1/2 cup at a time.  Knead it for 5 to 10 minutes until smooth and elastic.  Divide dough into two loaves and place in bread pans.  Cover pans and let rise for about 1 1/2.  Bake @ 350 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes depending on your oven.

 I would love to give credit to the original recipe maker but I got this recipe from a friend and I cannot find this exact recipe online.  

One of the best things that I learned  this year is making my own bread.  There is something about baking your own bread that makes you feel empowered.  I really cannot explain why baking bread makes me feel all warm and cozy.  I love being able to make two loaves while I am cooking a meal or cleaning .  It is a super easy recipe and it is highly adaptable to your schedule and availability throughout the day.

Hands in dough.

Best helper ever. Christmas 2010

I truly hope you enjoyed the recipes and make some memories of your own.  Have a great start of the New Year!

Here I go again...

I keep trying this disappearing act but unequivocally I am unsuccessful, it might have to do with never telling anyone that I am going to disappear.  Seriously, in my past blog entries here, here, and here, just to name a few since November, I have tried to catch up on posts.  Which made me ponder what the important issue is here?  Is it that a) I am posting late or b) I feel that I have to answer to someone or entity about what and when I post.  Better yet, that made m think what was the reason that I was posting in the first place.  Well people, here you go, I am posting when I can, when I feel like it or when it is convenient.  How about them apples?  Its not that I wouldn't appreciate more readers or more comments but if that were really the case I would publicize so to speak my blog more or have it in a directory.  This is more of a journal that I am making for Carr about our life and about him.  It is to Carr that I ultimately have to answer to.  With that said, I haven't written or posted any entries because I have been enjoying life and making memories with my little one. I hope to catch up by the end of the year and if I don't I will sometime soon after that.

Carr and I have been baking up some goodies just for you!

Happy Thankgiving

I went and looked back at my blog and found that I am notorious for late posting during the holidays.  This can mean two things:  I am not a very organized homemaker and blogger or it can mean that I enjoy the holiday and document it later.  I tend to lean towards a mix of both.There has been so much going on in the Loving household, much to do, much to plan and new rutines to incorporate.

As I have commented before I am trying real hard to incorporate in my life a healthier lifestyle, working out, eating better and quit smoking.  I have been touch in go on all three.  I am a recovering smoker, quite like any vice, one uses it as a cruch as a coping mechanism.  I am trying to replace this with exercise.  Which is hard becasue everytime you need a cigarette you cannot bust out exercising, you have to have patience and wait until you can take out your frustrations during a workout session.  My weight has become a major problem in my life.  I am not happy with the person I have become which makes me frustrated which makes me want to eat everything I have in the fridge or smoke a cigarrette.  It is a self perpetuating cycle that I have to work on everyday at every hour.  Why do I do this when I can just leave things as is?  Because I want to be there at Carr's graduation (college) and  I want to be healthy, I also want to be a good example for Carr.

This Thanksgiving I ran my second 5K by myself for the first time.  It was the first time I walked/jogged from start to finish by myself without a friend pacing me.  It was also a much harder course with hills involved.  It was so hard but I did it and finished 5 minutes before my last time.  My best friend Ashley was there at the finish line waiting and I ran the end crying all emotional and just proud of myself for finishing it.  I was somewhat proud of myself but sad that most of all the major events in my life, I was alone without my family.  These are moments in which I miss my mom and grandmother tremendously.

Liz Royer and I before the race

Ashley Marshall, my BFF and photographer

My number

And it starts!

I ran almost the whole first mile.

Finish Line: couldn't come to soon!

Very proud that I actually came before that young girl.  We had been passing one another for 2 miles.

My mother in-law hosted Thanksgiving at her house that night, thankfully I only had to contribute a desert and a side.  Which gave me time to recuperate from the race and rest.  As always, family get-togethers at my in-laws are fun and relaxing - thankfully no drama involved.  The company was great and we were surrounded by people we loved and loved us back.  Thanks Lynn for hosting a beautiful thanksgiving, making it welcoming to all and embracing everyone with love and peace.

If there is something that I envy from my MIL is her attention to detail and her great sense of taste.  She can always make something look extroardinary out of just ordinary materials around the house or in her garden.

My husband Chip and my nephews Ricky and Asher

My doom: dips and appetizers

Marion

Marion, is my neice, she has her own beautiful blog Marion Glass and etsy store, I would encourage you to visit both - they are both beautiful and one of a kind.  I cannot say enough about how proud I am of Marion.  She has grown up to be a beautiful woman, an exceptional mother and awesome photographer. She is also a great and trusting friend.

The man of the hour: psst he cooked the turkey.  My brother in-law Rick.

Father and son eating Thanksgiving dinner.

Dad and only some of  his grandchildren. 

Still eating?

New Goals and a tough road ahead

This post is not about what you may think.  It's not about home management, menu planning or decluttering.  It's about my husband, Chip and I.  I like to think we're a pretty cool couple, we concentrate on what makes us work instead of focusing on what annoys us.  Don't get me wrong we don't bury our heads in the sand or avoid the big fat elephant in the room.  We choose to enjoy each other.  We laugh together, we read together and pretty much enjoy the companionship.  We both enjoyed something very much, so much that we never wanted to change, just the thought of this sent cold chills down our backs.  We both smoked ... yeah we loved smoking.  I am writing in the past tense because as you imagine, we have quit. 

I have smoked since I was 16 and let me tell you that the saddest day of this year was the day I said goodbye to my most trusted friend.  I did this for me, for my health, for Carr and for the future. Intellectually, I understand and agree that it was the smartest decision but in my heart I hold a sadness for the absence of a dear friend. I really can't say what started it all but I quit smoking and I am working out.

I walked a 5K. Yeah, you heard me, I actually did a 5K and am signed up for another on Thanksgiving morning.  I am trying to eat healthier food, which is very hard.  I will be posting some ideas for meals and what work and what doesn't.

 I actually did this!

This is how much time I took walking and pushing Carr' baby 

Not a day has gone by that given the opportunity I would smoke a cig.  People say it takes time.  I am willing to wait.  Everyday that comes by makes the urges more bearable. Funny how a child can change your whole life.

Rory's Wedding and Melissa's Bridal shower

I am so behind on blog posts, it just isn't funny anymore. This particular post has to do with me and my inner circle: my friends.  You see, friends are what keeps you sane once you join the married and have children club.  While I have to acknowledge that I am so blessed to have the supportive husband I have, that I know how much he loves me and Carr, nothing can quite explain the power of a friend.  You know, the one that knows YOU WEREN"T CRAZY TO BEGIN WITH!!!
This post is dedicated to two of my dear friends that have decided to join the club: Rory and Melissa.  I don't want to make this a sappy post, they know how much I love them, they were there for the fun, sad, stressed out times in college.  We know our history, what is important that now is that we have grown apart through the years, marriage (mine) and pregnancy (mine), many, many moves (Melissa's) and distance (Rory).

Let me confess that I secretly planned my vacation to coincide with Rory's wedding, so I could go and not be freakin' rushed (you'll learn more about that).  My girls know that since I have had Carr, I have refused to sleep away from him.  My son and I have slept every night since he was born under the same roof.  Which is kind of a triumph considering my job sometimes requires me to travel to job sites.  I have always return home or taken my guys with me. I didn't want to leave Carr and go to the wedding and stay overnight - I am just not ready to do this yet.  Sooo, cue in vacation to Sandbridge which is about an hour away.  YAY!  I got to have lunch with Ms. Rory and enjoy some of her time (which was a miracle in itself).

My son absolutely loves his Ms. Rory.   Here we are about a month later and he still wants to go to the beach and see Ms.Rory.  So sweet!

This was truly a highlight in my week!  It was such a big deal that Rory take the time (3 days before her wedding) just to have lunch. Not getting into to much detail we had a great lunch and caught up.  I want to post some of my favorite photos of her wedding.

Did I forget to mention that her wedding was incredible?  The venue, the weather, and the details all came together perfectly on her day.  She deserves it and much more.

I always like to look at the groom when the bride is coming in, I totally agree with the screen writer for "27 dresses"!

Rory looked fabulous! 

Mr. and Mrs Joshua Jansen

Some cocktails before dinner.  Open bar, need I say more.  Such fun!

Candied apple souvenirs - I had a small taste of it prior - such a great idea!

 Wedding Party - need to highlight that most of the females are all dear friends from college.

Such a great couple!

 Bridesmaid Megan Willis Fontana - dear friend

Maid of Honor - Lee Thomas (aka my sista)

Like I said cocktails before dinner - open bar - need I say more.

Just one more thing before I change gears.  I am very proud of the gift packaging for Rory's wedding.  My mother in law helped me (well she practically did it all).  I have to say I chose the material and color scheme - so there!  Before you think I bought all these gifts on my own, no way can't afford that.  Melissa Grant and I went together on this. 

I think they look gorgeous!

Melissa's Bridal Shower

I need you to picture a very outspoken, vivacious, intelligent, gorgeous red-head.  Can you picture that - OK then you know Melissa Grant.  She is the kind of girl you want beside you when the going gets tough, when you are in a mood, or when you want to party.  I really can't imagine when you don't want Melissa Grant around.  You couple that with her fiancee, who just happens to be one of the coolest guys I know (which by the way gets along with my husband, yay).  And you have a couple made in heaven, forge in mount Olympus and destined for glory.  Yeah, I know I might be taking it a tad to far but you must understand I love these guys!

Melissa decided to have her bridal shower in Richmond, Va.  About two hours away from where I live. Well, this is how much I love this girl.  I drove to Richmond by myself.  You must be thinking so what is the big deal?  OK, let me fill you in on a secret.  I get lost almost every time I get in my car and wander off the paths I have learned.  I have never driven in a city with city traffic.  Yes, I am a disgrace to feminists' everywhere.  I have no excuse!  But, guess what?  I drove it all by myself and didn't get lost, well Garmin helped.

I had a great time catching up with friends, meeting new friends and just enjoying Melissa's day.  I truly wish I could have stayed for the bachlorette party but like I explained before - I am just not ready to leave my kid overnight yet.  But I have come a long way so don't give up on me yet!